They call me mellow mARVO

FROM THE VAULT: September 1, 2017

Hi, sorry, it’s Beth. The Writing team is busy working on super annoying client work so I’m pitching in. Just don’t expect much, ok. I’m not a word person. That’s their job. My job is to babysit you assholes and wrangle stupid clients. God they’re stupid. Anyway, I offered to help. Just don’t ask me to cook, I said, because I don’t cook. My oven is full of shoes and has been since the day I moved in. There could be a family of squirrels living in there for all I know. How would I know? I wouldn’t know. I don’t cook.

Anyway, the Writing team is working on a bunch of stupid client work. Bell Helicopters (oh great another Dallas client), Holiday Inn (bed bugs), Dairyland (I hate cows), Forever 21 (more like Forever 1987), Cadillac (Agh! James Cockerille flashback!), Ralph Lauren (yeah, his real name is Lifshitz), RISE Costa Rica (annoying hippies), Rich’s (horrible), Vizient (terrible), ViaSat (nightmare) and Zwift (I don’t even know what that is, but it sounds stupid). Ugh, our clients are the worst. I hate everybody. Ev-er-ee-bah-dee.

The good news is that it’s a three day weekend. Thank god. I can’t take this place one more second. Fun fact, do you know who started Labor Day? Don’t ask me, I don’t know. What do I look like, Alex Trebek? All I know is that it’s one less day a year I have to be here. Although I’ll probably end up working on Monday. Then I have to fly to Dallas on Tuesday morning, so my week is already shot. Ugh, I need a vacation. I hate this place. I wish they would fire me already. Simon…Jim…I volunteer.

Anyway, here’s the part where I’m supposed to tell you where to go for ARVO. But only like five of you decided to show up today and we don’t have any money, so too bad. I'll be out of here at 4:59:59, unless one of my clients calls and ruins my good mood.